It was over before it ended

this is like one of those relationships you knew was over long before you finally let go.

I have been waning with this blog ever since it was linked to the information on the XU scandal. I tried to re-organize and change the kind of writing I did in here, but now I find it's just easier - and more fufilling - to write in a password protected document on my laptop. I just can't be all over the internet anymore.

Stanley, since you're probably the only one reading this; don't worry - I know it's important to keep writing. And I'm doing just that, just not on here, not anymore.

So I tip my hat in farewell to blogger. I'm done with blogs.

Peace, y'all. I'm out.

Tired and Happy

I couldn't write last night because Day 2 of TAW had me wondering how I was going to make it through a full week, let alone 2 more weeks after that. But, I even though I'm in class every day til 9, I don't regret the class because I love it :) First of all, Ogletree is amazing - an excellent lawyer, teacher, and presenter. Secondly, the judges, attorneys and professors working in the program are intelligent, insightful and fun. And I see in them many things that remind me why I came to law school and why I want to be a good lawyer.

It would've been MUCH easier to take this in the winter as I had originally planned. I could've focused on just TAW. Buuuut, Ogletree would not have been teaching it, and I would not have meet so many intelligent, beautiful black people! At Duke, I barely had any black teachers until I learned to seek them out. And certainly very very few who were black and female. Here at HLS we've got Lani Guinier. ....and that would be it. But the fall TAW staff is very diverse, and it does my spirit good to learn from people who look a little more like me. I feel much more connected to the course than I have in any other class since I've been here. *beams*

So, yea I'm exhausted. I come home late from TAW and do more work for TAW. I feel like I've been in two weeks worth of classes and it's only be 3 days. But I'm tired and happy. And that's a rarity here at hls.

TAW - Day 1

You know people really respect you when they will sit in silence as you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich in front of the entire class without explanation.

I guess we all assumed our Prof. was going somewhere with it, and he did. He certainly took his time about it though. He told us that putting the pieces of a trial together is about as easy as making a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich, and then asked the class to re-tell all the steps he took to construct that sandwhich before the class. At the end of the demonstration he had two pieces of bread - literally pieces instead of a whole slice (much to the chagrin of the student who raised his hand to confidently volunteer the step "you took out two pieces of bread") - and a plate full of peanut butter and jelly. Nowhere in the vicinity of the courtroom was there anything even resembling a sandwhich of any kind. He wanted to demonstrate how hard it can be to tie a narrative together, even though it initially seems like it could be the easiest thing in the world. Ain't that always the way.

It certainly was harder for me than I expected, and I expected it to be hard. The attorney critiquing me said that I was "cold" and that I should try to be more "human" in my direct of my own witness.

Me? Cold? I cannot possibly even conceive that I have ever been cold to anyone in my entire life.

right...

I should keep a dream diary

Every time I'm in the middle of some heavy work schedule, I have crazy crazy dreams. My first semester of law school during finals period, I had a nightmare about the Model Penal Code. The actual lines of the code were attacking and smothering me. I felt like I had to get it off of me! Mostly asleep, I got up out of my bed, tore all of my clothes off, and went back to sleep. Take that Penal Code! I felt 100% better. However, I was a little confused in the morning when I woke up naked.

This semester, before my Property final, I dreamt that we were under attack. Who's we? I have not a clue. But I'm pretty sure some people from my section were there. Who was attacking us? I can't even remember, but I do know that they sent hawks to carry out their evil plan. The bastards. I remember running through the street as people were snatched up by the giant birds. They were taken away - never to be seen again. That sounds like a dream I should analyze....

Anyway, I have barely left my house in almost a week. I eat incomplete meals. I can hardly carry on a conversation because I feel distracted and I can't focus on what I was saying. I don't sleep well, and random crap makes me laugh uncontrolably. Could this be love? No, I am working on the law review competition and am slightly delirious. (yes - law review - no caps. I did it on purpose. thanks.) And Saturday night I dreamt that footnote 18 was poisonous. Yes, poisonous, and if I touched footnote 18, I would become ill.

What's gonna happen when I grow up and have real work every day?

The Friendly Neighborhood Hobo has gotten too friendly

Ok, it was nice at first to hear "Keep working hard, sister." and "How's your day been?" etc. But the other day my friendly neighborhood hobo (the one who's always outside of CVS) reached his arm out in what seemed like the offering of one of those one-arm-hugs, but evolved into an arm pat as I dodged out of his grasp.

I am not a hug-y person in general. My friends know that it took several months of pretty much daily exposure to them before I became comfortable with exchanging hugs. I am surely not up for a hug from the neighborhood hobo. wtf.

Just think what we could spread in 15!

I am amazed the speed at which gossip travels! It's absolutely absurd, and completely hiliarious - so I must find a way to share my amusement. I have tracked the following events through the use of cell phone call logs and AIM time stamps provided by involved parties. Details will be omitted to protect the privacy of the few whose business hasn't already spread and evolved in form and shape like some exotic viral strain through the insane high-speed digital internet version of a gossip mill that is the Harvard Law School Drama Society. *gasps for air after the effort of typing such a long sentence*

*Note, John and Jill were the only ones that were at the party the night before*

1:51 PM
John IMs Jane details from a party that occured the night before. According to John, he mentioned it only conversationally and had no idea what would pass in the next 11 - count them - 11 minutes

Somewhere between 1:51 - 1:55 PM
Jane tells her roommates. Judy is a roommate, and Judy tells Jack. We know this because at exactly 1:55 PM, Jill gets a text message from Jack teasing her about the party.

1:55 - 2:02 PM
Jack and Jill then proceed to text back and forth until Jill figures out where the hell Jack was that he would've heard that information, and then, figuring out the link:

2:02 PM
Jill IMs John (in jest) saying he's got an amazingly huge mouth. John is confused until Jill tells him how it must've gone from John to Jane, from Jane to Judy, Judy to Jack and Jack to Jill then Jill went out to fetch a pail full of goodness only knows what - but certainly someone will be gossiping about the pail's contents very shortly.

I even overthink my problem of overthinking!

Ok, I'm sad 1L year is ending - just a little - because I really like my new friends and I'm getting all nostalgic. Suddenly everything is nicer when it's almost over, and I have the luxury of feeling like I might miss being a 1L a little bit when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But, it's just that...it's just nice to be new. I read my entry from when I visited harvard and I went on about how it's nice to be somewhere where I don't already know an uncomfortable amount about people and they don't know too much about me; where I'm not tempted to give anyone second chances etc etc. But joining the drama society here automatically made me privy to a constant stream of TMI, and I'm not really down for second chances anymore anyway. I think I'm almost at the other extreme - and this is not a good thing - and I barely want to give people chances at all, let alone a second one. Anyway, it's weird that I'll be gone all summer though, b/c law school is so consuming and for a summer I'll be disconnected from it. I've been a little indecisive lately, which I don't think generally describes me and I don't know what's up with that. Maybe it's just that it feels like something big is coming to a close, and people always act stupid when they feel like something is almost over and they won't have to stick around and be accountable. But I also overthink things, so I'm going to try to just go with my instincts and do what I feel is best as it comes. It can't be that stupid if you go with how you really feel. Well, that's clearly false, but I'm going to stand by it anyway.

I think it would be interesting...

...to have a day where I told everyone what I really thought of them. Generally, I pride myself on interacting with people in ways that show them how I really feel about them - I only warmly greet those who I feel warmly toward. I can show basic nice-ness to almost anybody, but that's just being polite. I do hate it though, when I have to be nice to someone I dislike, or someone who made me feel bad about myself. Being basically polite to someone I don't care one way or the other about is cool, but I really don't like having to pretend I like someone and I'm secretly thinking all kinds of negative things in their presence or right after they leave. It's rare; it only happens when I don't want someone to know they've hurt me. Joni Mitchell said 'now it's just another show; you leave them laughing when you go. And if you care, don't let it show - don't give yourself away." But why is it always the most important thing to make sure people think they didn't effect you?