WELL. I'M HAPPY I ENTERTAIN YOU.

No...really, I am! Is it strange that twice in the last week I've been at a big dinner (one was Thanksgiving dinner, one was a dinner at a friend's house earlier tonight) where at some point, everyone demanded I sing? When I was younger I got really nervous about it but I guess I don't really have a problem with singing for people anymore; I really will sing on request. Why should I not? I love to sing. My only stipulation is not to sing on request when I feel it would be obnoxious. For example, a new friend requested a song while we were in the Hark (basically HLS's student center - cafeteria, study areas, mailboxes etc) and I declined b/c no one likes that person who would have said yes and starting singing and interrupting everyone in the room. I'm already bad enough about drifting off into Audrey-land and singing in public sometimes without thinking. (I keep getting caught singing in the elevator when the doors open and someone is unexpectedly standing there. I wonder what my neighbors think of me when I'm like 'O MIO BABBINO CARO, MI PI-ohgod! um. Ahem. ......Good Morning.') My thing with singing at the dinners was that I felt kind of as though it was unfair of me to demand everyone's attention. We're all just hanging out drinking wine and then suddenly I'm supposed to stand at the front of the room and everybody's supposed to pay attention to Audrey. I no longer feel nervous about my voice. I sing in the tunnels here all of the time. (Underground tunnels that go from building to bulding in the law school) I do feel nervous about demanding everyone's attention, like there's probably that one person who would was really enjoying the conversation they were having before I ruined it and started singing art songs. But, my friend's mom was here from Korea and made us all such a lovely dinner, so I said I would sing for her as thanks.

Afterwards, someone asked me if I could do either, sing for a living successfully or be a lawyer, which would I choose? And I answered honestly that I would sing. Because it's true. I don't think I've loved anything I've ever done as much as I love the music I've helped to create or perform. We then spent about half an hour with them trying to convince me that I should pursue it. They all looked like they so earnestly believed I could do it, which is sweet. But it honestly always kind of hurts to hear it...because I really wish I could. And I would if I thought I could make it. Maybe the reason I'm hesistant to sing is not beause I feel guilty when everyone is paying attention; maybe it's just that I fear this very conversation will follow, and I'll have to play the part of dream-crusher to my own dreams and say it's not realistic when I really wish it were.